Dear blender
Oh won't you help a first offender
Oh, toaster
Don't you put the burn on me
Refrigerator, why are we always sooner or later
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Dear knife drawer
Now won't you help me to face life more
Oh, trashcan
Don't you put the dirt on me
Oh percolator, why are we always sooner or later
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Everything used to be OK
But I've been had
And Brad, I'm glad to say, is on his way
Micro-digital awaker, why are we always sooner or later
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Shower curtain
Oh won't you help me to be certain
Oh, toothpaste
Don't you put the squeeze on me
Depilitator, why are we always sooner or later
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all night

Tell me spectator, why are always sooner or later
Bitchin' in the kitchen or crying in the bedroom all nigh